Sam was who had convinced me to sign off from the online 'meet new people' world.
I think of myself as a pretty straightforward person. However, the one place where I delude myself is the online dating scene. I think dating online is little better than an arranged marriage - with no chance of romance. But it is good as an ego booster. Very good. Anything thats let others judge you mostly on the basis of your best picture is an ego booster, right?
So, when facebook had one of the nifty applications for meeting people, I added it. Trust me, it is really an ego boost to see how many cute looking dudes have clicked 'Yes' on my picture. The makers of the application very smartly did not add the option to see how many people clicked 'No' on you. MuJo did not really like clicking 'No' on everyone, but BiJo happily abused the 'No' button to the extreme that it went on vacation, and reincarnated as 'May be Later' to BJ's disgust and MJ's relief.
That was where she met Sam. Now, Sam posted his profile pic as one in a group of three. And he had clicked Yes on her. MJ was too shy, BJ was too egotistic and I was too lazy to go and browse the male profiles. BJ sniggered. "He's the ugly one."
I was cautious: "Well, hard to say who is good looking and who is ugly - the snap is taken from a mile away - and without a telescopic lense."
BJ said, after careful consideration: " Dudes! when was the last time a cute guy posted a picture of his in a public forum where he was the most good looking of the lot? The good looking ones always, always have single person pictures."
MJ was full of human kindness: "Well gals... look at it this way... this guy is on a wheelchair."
"Hard to say. Like I said, who took this crap shot?" I love photography, and hate badly shot snaps.
"Probably thats what the guy wanted. Take a crapo shot, surround himself with better looking friends, and may be some idiot will click yes."
"Pretty sad... and anyway, no guy ever has take things beyond clicking yes. Finnish men seem to be..."
"...afraid of women."
"I was thinking of shy." MJ sounded wounded.
"Oh whatever. Click yes and make his day. He probably wont respond." BJ conceded.
Exactly 12 hours later, I got an email from Facebook, or more precisely, Sam. The gist of the message was as follows:
- I am on a wheelchair
- Hi beautiful, I'm Sam
- I am on a wheelchair
- Down woman! Keep your virtual hands off me! Lets take things slow and keep things casual!
- I am on a wheelchair
- Lets meet this weekend.
- I am on a wheelchair
I thought the beautiful line was lame and the rest of it sounded like I shouldn't be meeting him. MJ thought it was unimaginative and boring. BJ was rolling on the floor, laughing so hard at the line, at the fact that he seemed to think Jo wanted to do him.
We know invalid people who are much more fun than people without disabilities. This guy sucks. Let's not meet him." we girls decided.
I talked about Sam over lunch to Benny. Benny, bless her own mushy heart, wanted me to meet Sam.
"Just once. Then you can tell him that you just want to be friends, or nothing."
And thus, the following weekend I sit alone in one of the busiest coffee shops. The guy is late. by 45 minutes. I had finished the smoothie and her book. I send an sms saying I am leaving, and gets one back saying that he is at the shop already.
1o minutes later, he enters the shop with his caretaker. I think that Benny must meet the caretaker. He is cute, fabulous and is very friendly.
The conversation went as follows:
Sam: Sorry I am late.
BJ: Fuck... this guy is ugly....
MJ: That's so cruel to think! To say! I think we must be even ready to kiss him if he wants to.
BJ & I: Drop down MJ!
I: I love making friends online. I think internet, as a dating medium sucks big time, but it is really great to make friends.
BJ: Also, tell him how you thought you were meeting his friend, not him.
MJ and Jo: Shhhh!
Sam introduced me to his caretaker, Jonathan from Nigeria. Pleasanteries all around. I get a call from Benny, excuses myself and calls Benny back. After trying to fight with both Benny and MJ, I give up and agree to invite Sam and his caretaker to the grill that the girls have organized.
As a meeting friends event, it was ok. Jonathan was nice, friendly and relaxed. Sam whined, talked a lot about his disability and ordered Jonathan around.
Benny and me tuned out Sam. I was happy in a perverse way, seeing Benny try her best not to snap at Sam for being all British overlordy to Jonathan.
And that was it - they thought. Pleasant goodbyes, and promises of tying to get together sometime.
But no, Sam had to open his mouth: "You may not see Jonathan too much. I will move him during weekdays. On weekends, I will have a female caretaker. And this weekend I am having a party, and Jo, I invite you."
Awkward.... it was Benny who invited him to the grill, not me, and Jonathan was being snubbed big time.
"Sorry dude, already have plans for weekend." I say.
Two days later, I get a call from him. When I was making love to Tony Stark. Ok, it was in a movie theater, and the rest of the women were also doing the same while the men crushed on Iron Man. Thanking the moment when I put the phone on silent ( I was expecting a work call at around 9pm) the call is rejected, with a little glee.
After the movie, I wonder if I should call back. It is 20 minutes after the time I got his call. It is 930pm. Isnt it a bit late? But I still do, reasoning that if it was any other friend, I would have.
Sam picks up the phone, and tries to convince me to keep everything casual. Not to be so damn impatient. And invites me home for a late night movie date.
I decline. And say my goodbyes and hang up. I dont think I could have been civil for much later.
And now I wonder:
1. How can giving a call back be wanting to jump his bones? I can be pretty wanting to jump your bones and be obsessed about a man, but not with this guy. That happens when I am wooed with words, words which make me want to purr like a cat and wrap myself around the man. Didnt happen here. Nach.
2. Why did I stand up for jerky behavior just because this guy was an invalid? I know. Its because I am a huge softie. Its not a very admirable trait.And that leads to getting ass kicked.
Now, there are two tangents here: One is about the men who made me purr with their words, the other is about the times when I was a softie. I guess I will deal with the softie part first.
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