About Bloyer, and whether I should write to him again:
On that day, I saw a vertu phone. On that day, I saw a Land Rover.
But I did not see a Dalmatian. I only so brown dogs. No whites, no blacks.
And that means closing the book on Bloyer, never knowing what made us not to talk after the few days of intense connection over space and time.
Goodbye Bloyer.
For few days, you made me feel alive. For few days, you made me experience loving someone. Thanks you for that.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
The choice not exercised
I think I met one of my soul mates.
But I am not going to do anything about it.
You see, Benny, one of my dearest friends, is with him. She loves him, more than she realizes, more than she is willing to admit.
And I love my friend, like more than a sister.
He is undecided about Benny. And I have seen it in his eyes that he too suspects the connection, like a dream that one has forgotten.
But friendships are too great to be sacrificed, even for soul mates.
So I will let this one go, and wait for another.
But I am not going to do anything about it.
You see, Benny, one of my dearest friends, is with him. She loves him, more than she realizes, more than she is willing to admit.
And I love my friend, like more than a sister.
He is undecided about Benny. And I have seen it in his eyes that he too suspects the connection, like a dream that one has forgotten.
But friendships are too great to be sacrificed, even for soul mates.
So I will let this one go, and wait for another.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Almost, but not yet
Today I talked to Car.
Car is one man who will love me till end of my life and whom, try as I could, I can never love. Not after his freak out.
Car is one man who is a close friend. So when Bloyer vanished without so much as a goodbye, I wanted to call him up, and cry on his shoulders.
I sent Car an email, more of an SOS. But he doesnt call. I feel bad. I lost the man whom I thought was my soulmate, and now I lost a friendship.
But there were other, new friends who were as caring. I got functional. And Car called me when he finally saw my email.
What is it about?
I dont want to talk about it. Im fine now. Lets talk about our work.
Ok.
Two minutes later, I was telling him about Bloyer. How I felt when I received his emails. How I loved his blog. How I deleted each and every bit of info about him, defriended him, and yet my treacherous memory bring back every bit of conversation, every intense feeling, and his email ID to me uninvited.
Car listened.
May be you need to drop him an email once more. Feelings this strong should not be left alone.
No! I was angry at my fellow romantic, telling him how the rest of my friends wanted me to walk away from the carnage. Why does he want me to go back?
But still, he knows me well. And my guardian angel believes in second chances. But I need signs. I need symbols.
If between sleeping tonight and reaching home tomorrow after work, and if any of the following two conditions are fulfilled:
1) if I see a Vertu phone AND a Land Rover AND a Dalmatian - in real life ( incl dreams) , not in pictures or on web and recognize them as such
OR
2) I get a comment on this blog, on any post
I will email him.
If it is meant to happen Car, I will get the signs. If not, I wont.
Car is one man who will love me till end of my life and whom, try as I could, I can never love. Not after his freak out.
Car is one man who is a close friend. So when Bloyer vanished without so much as a goodbye, I wanted to call him up, and cry on his shoulders.
I sent Car an email, more of an SOS. But he doesnt call. I feel bad. I lost the man whom I thought was my soulmate, and now I lost a friendship.
But there were other, new friends who were as caring. I got functional. And Car called me when he finally saw my email.
What is it about?
I dont want to talk about it. Im fine now. Lets talk about our work.
Ok.
Two minutes later, I was telling him about Bloyer. How I felt when I received his emails. How I loved his blog. How I deleted each and every bit of info about him, defriended him, and yet my treacherous memory bring back every bit of conversation, every intense feeling, and his email ID to me uninvited.
Car listened.
May be you need to drop him an email once more. Feelings this strong should not be left alone.
No! I was angry at my fellow romantic, telling him how the rest of my friends wanted me to walk away from the carnage. Why does he want me to go back?
But still, he knows me well. And my guardian angel believes in second chances. But I need signs. I need symbols.
If between sleeping tonight and reaching home tomorrow after work, and if any of the following two conditions are fulfilled:
1) if I see a Vertu phone AND a Land Rover AND a Dalmatian - in real life ( incl dreams) , not in pictures or on web and recognize them as such
OR
2) I get a comment on this blog, on any post
I will email him.
If it is meant to happen Car, I will get the signs. If not, I wont.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Almost at the end of the tunnel- thanks to..
Wowie....
Now that Im back from the latest heartbreak episode, let me take a moment to thank all my friends and everything else which helped me get over this one without too much tear shed.
Not that any of them are ever gonna read this - heh.
1. Thanks Ruskie, for making fun of me. I was sobbing on the phone. You made me realize that I am the fabulous, awesome one here. And your "Sheesh woman! You fell for a page 3 jurno type?Eeeeeek!" shamed me into behaving more normally.
2. Thanks Benny, for checking, and checking, and checking some more that I am alright and am eating. Thanks, for pointing out that I should just have fun. Thanks for taking a look at his photo and saying "Honey... he is bald!" Gotta love that girl. And thanks for agreeing to be my wing woman and agreeing to set me up with your lanky native - wait, wait for it - just for fun.
3. Thanks Seke, for listening to me for four straight hours, trying to be my personal shrink ( hope you & Benny remain happy ) and finally naming him "Asshole from California." You made me laugh with your delivery and I laughed like a maniac.
4. Thanks Sri, for wanting to show off and thus buying me half of my window plant collection. You just made me realize that if I do dress up, men will spend a lot of money for me.
5. Thanks Hobbit, for noticing that I was sad, and not laughing at me when you heard my story. ( And for that, you are Whiney no more.) Thanks for promising to introduce all of your cute and handsome coworkers to me, once they are back from vacation.
5. Thanks to you who is out there, who brought some amazing new friends, awesome ladies, my way. Thanks Dude/tte!
6. Thanks facebook, for allowing me to defriend him. Ha!
7. Thanks blogger, for allowing me to leave a final comment on his blog, a remainder that he is not very different from those people whom he bitch about. Double Ha!
I still miss him a bit. But I have sufficiently moved on with my life to be happy on my own again, and to have fun.
Now that Im back from the latest heartbreak episode, let me take a moment to thank all my friends and everything else which helped me get over this one without too much tear shed.
Not that any of them are ever gonna read this - heh.
1. Thanks Ruskie, for making fun of me. I was sobbing on the phone. You made me realize that I am the fabulous, awesome one here. And your "Sheesh woman! You fell for a page 3 jurno type?Eeeeeek!" shamed me into behaving more normally.
2. Thanks Benny, for checking, and checking, and checking some more that I am alright and am eating. Thanks, for pointing out that I should just have fun. Thanks for taking a look at his photo and saying "Honey... he is bald!" Gotta love that girl. And thanks for agreeing to be my wing woman and agreeing to set me up with your lanky native - wait, wait for it - just for fun.
3. Thanks Seke, for listening to me for four straight hours, trying to be my personal shrink ( hope you & Benny remain happy ) and finally naming him "Asshole from California." You made me laugh with your delivery and I laughed like a maniac.
4. Thanks Sri, for wanting to show off and thus buying me half of my window plant collection. You just made me realize that if I do dress up, men will spend a lot of money for me.
5. Thanks Hobbit, for noticing that I was sad, and not laughing at me when you heard my story. ( And for that, you are Whiney no more.) Thanks for promising to introduce all of your cute and handsome coworkers to me, once they are back from vacation.
5. Thanks to you who is out there, who brought some amazing new friends, awesome ladies, my way. Thanks Dude/tte!
6. Thanks facebook, for allowing me to defriend him. Ha!
7. Thanks blogger, for allowing me to leave a final comment on his blog, a remainder that he is not very different from those people whom he bitch about. Double Ha!
I still miss him a bit. But I have sufficiently moved on with my life to be happy on my own again, and to have fun.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Bloyer man
In my last post, I talked about two tangents : about men who make me purr with their words, and about the mistakes I made when I was a softie.
I think I can combine both, when I say that I will not email Bloyer anytime soon.
Bloyer is a lawyer who bloges. I loved reading him, and have been doing so for the past year. His blog is nice, good to read with him being sarcastic without mean.
I had emailed him a few times, telling him about a bit of gossip that comes my way.
One day, I got an email from him, wanting a photo of mine. And with that, he also commented on my blog.
One of my favorite bloggers, he had something to ask about my blog. How could I say no when he wanted a photograph of mine? I emailed it to him( mistake # 1).
He wanted to know more about me. I sent him my facebook link and invited him to add me ( mistake # 2).
We started emailing. He wrote good emails. Lovely emails. emails that made me wet and horny. And fall in love. with him. With a man whom I had never met, whose real name I did not know ( still dont) and whose face I have never seen ( have seen since.) Shall we call this mistake # 3 to infinity? No, you prefer them in increments of one? Ok. mistake # 3 then.
Falling in love, when you don't know what the other person feels about you - apart from the making you go week on the knees - is not good for a person's emotional stability. That weekend was one of the most miserable ones I ever had. I moped around, wrote him umpteen emails, acted like a crazy woman and finally, in all desparation, told him that I was falling in love with him. ( mistake # 4).
He replied back. Said he loves me sometimes. Sometimes.Wow. And that hurt. A little too much. And he all but called me a bitch for expecting quick replies to his emails. I was hoping for an email a day. No, we dont sms or call each other. and he must be thanking his stars for not sending me his mobile number.
Bloyer did send me his photograph. He looked a bit like Vince Vaughn. It was the tiniest picture possible. I appreciated the picture. and the I love you at the end of the email.
In the email, he said he wondered how I would be, as a wife. How much I would love him. I was tired, emotionally. I do not have it in my to prove my love to him.
So I wrote him an email. About how I would be as a wife, how I would look at a relationship. It was one of the most honest emails that I have written. And no reply till now.
In the early days of our courtship, he told me that he would let me know if and when he feel that this is not going to work. Um hello, a bit of help here?
I want to write to him, telling him how much I miss him. I want to tell him to tell me why he is not replying, whether he wants to call off the whole thing. I want to tell him, looking at his eyes, that I love him.
But I love myself too. And naive as I am, rosey eyed as I am, I know that loving a man who does not trust me enough to give me his real name is going to end up in grief for me.
So I have stopped emailing him. But each time I get a mail notification, I hope it is from him. Each day, I hope a little less. A teeny meeny mite less.
I always thought I would end up alone, that a family life is somehow denied to me. I had made peace with that fact and looked forward to a happily single life. And then he came along. why could you not leave me alone? why did you want to make me dream?
Idiot.
I think I can combine both, when I say that I will not email Bloyer anytime soon.
Bloyer is a lawyer who bloges. I loved reading him, and have been doing so for the past year. His blog is nice, good to read with him being sarcastic without mean.
I had emailed him a few times, telling him about a bit of gossip that comes my way.
One day, I got an email from him, wanting a photo of mine. And with that, he also commented on my blog.
One of my favorite bloggers, he had something to ask about my blog. How could I say no when he wanted a photograph of mine? I emailed it to him( mistake # 1).
He wanted to know more about me. I sent him my facebook link and invited him to add me ( mistake # 2).
We started emailing. He wrote good emails. Lovely emails. emails that made me wet and horny. And fall in love. with him. With a man whom I had never met, whose real name I did not know ( still dont) and whose face I have never seen ( have seen since.) Shall we call this mistake # 3 to infinity? No, you prefer them in increments of one? Ok. mistake # 3 then.
Falling in love, when you don't know what the other person feels about you - apart from the making you go week on the knees - is not good for a person's emotional stability. That weekend was one of the most miserable ones I ever had. I moped around, wrote him umpteen emails, acted like a crazy woman and finally, in all desparation, told him that I was falling in love with him. ( mistake # 4).
He replied back. Said he loves me sometimes. Sometimes.Wow. And that hurt. A little too much. And he all but called me a bitch for expecting quick replies to his emails. I was hoping for an email a day. No, we dont sms or call each other. and he must be thanking his stars for not sending me his mobile number.
Bloyer did send me his photograph. He looked a bit like Vince Vaughn. It was the tiniest picture possible. I appreciated the picture. and the I love you at the end of the email.
In the email, he said he wondered how I would be, as a wife. How much I would love him. I was tired, emotionally. I do not have it in my to prove my love to him.
So I wrote him an email. About how I would be as a wife, how I would look at a relationship. It was one of the most honest emails that I have written. And no reply till now.
In the early days of our courtship, he told me that he would let me know if and when he feel that this is not going to work. Um hello, a bit of help here?
I want to write to him, telling him how much I miss him. I want to tell him to tell me why he is not replying, whether he wants to call off the whole thing. I want to tell him, looking at his eyes, that I love him.
But I love myself too. And naive as I am, rosey eyed as I am, I know that loving a man who does not trust me enough to give me his real name is going to end up in grief for me.
So I have stopped emailing him. But each time I get a mail notification, I hope it is from him. Each day, I hope a little less. A teeny meeny mite less.
I always thought I would end up alone, that a family life is somehow denied to me. I had made peace with that fact and looked forward to a happily single life. And then he came along. why could you not leave me alone? why did you want to make me dream?
Idiot.
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